What is love
by Kan0ne
Summary: Shuichi don't know what to do, his mind is full of thing. Yuki break up with him to be with sakura and what is the things that he always dreams about is it his memory that he lost.
1. Chapter 1

well thank to yukikyo my story seem to have more sence hehehe... well i have though of giving up this story because I think my story is so boring and my enhglish is so bad but after I read the edited versin that yukikyo did I think I will do my best to contineu this story...

Shuichi is a successful singer in a band name Bad Luck, but his love life is  
still as miserable as ever because Yuki is still so cold to him. Even though  
he knows that Yuki cares for him he thinks Yuki will never love him. Because  
of that he started to concentrate more on his career. Even after Bad Luck  
became the top band in Japan the wall between him and Yuki grew bigger. One  
day after practice Shuichi came home to find Yuki in the arms of a beautiful  
girl.

"Yuki who is she?" asked Shuichi, sadness very apparent in his voice. He  
couldn't understand why Yuki would leave him for this girl.

"She is my girlfriend." Yuki explained, barely looking at his former lover.

Shuichi's eyes widen with fear, awe, sadness and disbelief when he heard Yuki  
speak.

" What about me? Aren't we together?" Shuichi said with tears in his eyes  
unable to believe that Yuki would do this to him.  
"We should break up our. I don't think our relationship is working and I don't  
think I love you anymore, or maybe I never did." Yuki told him, with no  
emotion in his voice.

This was the first time Yuki had said that he didn't love Shuichi. It hurt the  
pink haired boy so much that it felt as if his heart was breaking into a  
thousand pieces much like the breaking of a mirror.

'My heart hurts so much, how could Yuki do this to me after all we've been  
through.' Shuichi asked himself.

Even with his breaking heart Shuichi wanted Yuki to be happy because he still  
loved him.  
"I understand if this is what you want, I just want you to be happy." Shuichi  
said while smiling sadly, trying to keep the tears from spilling over. He  
wanted to show Yuki that he could be strong.

Yuki's eyes widen when he saw that smile and it felt like his own heart was  
breaking  
After their conversation Shuichi packed his things even though Yuki said he  
could still stay for a while. Shuichi would feel like a third wheel, being in  
the apartment that Yuki would share with his girlfriend. He wanted to leave so  
it would be easier on both of them. Yuki's girlfriend was Todo Sakura a super  
model and singer. She was smart and beautiful and the two of them looked  
amazing together, like a prince and princess. Shuichi thought Yuki loved  
Sakura because they did all the things he wanted to do together. Shuichi  
wanted to go on a date, have a vacation in some romantic place and watch  
movies together. There was no doubt in his mind that Yuki did these things  
with Sakura. It made him depressed to know that they were doing things he  
never got to do with Yuki. He feels Sakura is taking his place, but will be  
able to make Yuki happy, even though he couldn't. That's why Shuichi was  
leaving.

After a month Sakura had become more successful than Bad Luck. Everyone was in  
love with Sakura including Hiro and Suguru. Shuichi didn't know what to do as  
it seemed like no one cared or liked him anymore as no one bothered to pay  
much attention to him. Instead all their attention went to Sakura, even when  
the band practiced for an hour. Sometimes Hiro, Suguru and Sakura would  
practice together. Shuichi decided that since everyone including his fans  
didn't seem to like him anymore he would just quit. The pink haired boy didn't  
fully understand why the decision had come so easily this time when before it  
had been very hard. This was the first time he had given up and it was an  
empty feeling. But he had been feeling that a lot lately. There was no one in  
his life that cared for him anymore, he was all alone.

It seemed like he didn't have any reason to sing anymore. To add more stress  
and problems to his life, every night he would dream of his past, dreams he  
couldn't quite remember when he woke up but the emotions would linger long  
after he had woken up. He felt sadness, sorrow and sometimes happiness but  
that wasn't very often. Shuichi feels it could be the memories he's  
suppressed for he can't remember his forgotten memory, he can't remember  
anything before the Shindou's adopted him and when he is 15 years old. He felt  
it was time for him to search for this memory as it may help him to forget all  
about Yuki and the sadness he felt.

Shuichi meet Hiro when he was 16 and they became friends. But even then  
Shuichi never told Hiro that he lost his memory. He didn't want his friends  
pity, he wanted to move on and live a happy life. That was the reason why he  
didn't know many things because he forgot everything. Because of these people  
think he's stupid. But the Shindou family says that he is a genius because it  
only took him a year to learn how to read and write and he learned many things  
easily. It's the family  
secret that he was only adopted so he could have a peaceful life. Shuichi is  
thankful to have them as they always support him no matter what.  
So before he searched for his memory he say goodbye to them.

"Father, Mother and Maiko thank you for everything you've done for me. I will  
never forget all of you . When I remember my past I will come back. But don't  
worry I will write letters to all of you letting you know I'm ok. I love you  
very much." Shuichi explained, tears in his eyes at having to say goodbye to  
the family that's raised him.

Shuichi knew that when this was over, when everything was over his family  
would still welcome him with open arms.

"Take care of yourself Shuichi! Eat plenty of fruits and vegetable and don't  
forget to brush your teeth before you go to sleep" his mother said with tear  
in her eyes. She didn't really understand why her son was leaving to find  
himself, yet she would always love him and that's all that mattered.

" Dear, Shuichi is old enough to take care of himself. Try not to worry, I  
know he will come back to us." his father said, tears also in his eyes. He  
wasn't as emotional as his wife, yet seeing his son leave to go search for his  
memories was ** him.

"Just take care and don't forget to buy me a gift when you come back, I know  
you will" Maiko said while smiling. She loved her older brother for he always  
brought her gifts whenever he went away somewhere. She was only 12 and too  
little to understand that Shuichi was embarking on a mission to find himself  
and his memories that he wasn't going on a vacation or tour.

Shuichi didn't bother saying goodbye to anyone else for it seemed like they  
didn't care about him anyway so they wouldn't miss him when he was gone. He  
handed over his resignation letter to his family so they could give it to NG 1  
a week after he left.

thanks for reading please review.. if many reader review it will really help me to write the next chapter... thank you so much


	2. Chapter 2

hi guys here is chapter 2

thank yukikyo!

i use a song in this chapter Welcome to my life by simple plan

I don't own gravitation and the song welcome to my life

"speaking"

'thoughts' - italics  
song - bold  
past - underline

After a week Touma received Shuichi's resignation letter. He should have felt happy happy but he doesn't and he doesn't understand why. Touma told everyone about Shuichi's resignation and they couldn't believe it. Their vocalist who was such a pink ball of energy all the time had left them, it was unbelievable that he would do such a thing. The group had tired to call Shuichi but they were unsuccessful. Hiro, Suguru and Mr. K decided to try Shuichi's house to see if he was still there.

It was Shuichi's mother Shindou-san who opened the door. "Good morning Shindou-san" Hiro said, giving the woman a warm smile.

"Hiro-kun, come in" Mrs. Shindou said opening the door wide so everyone could go in.  
"Would you three like anything to drink?" Shuichi's mother offered, wanting her guests to feel comfortable.

"No thank you we just came to talk to Shuichi." Mr. K said, wondering why the vocalist hadn't come down to see them yet.

"I see… I'm sorry but he's not here" Mrs. Shindou said sadness apparent in her voice. Tears were starting to fill her eyes at having to talk about the son who had recently left them.

"What time will he be back? Do you know where he went?" Suguru asked, hoping to track him down if his mother knew where he went.

Shindou-san sighed and told the boys the truth. "I don't know where he is or when will he be back." It hurt to talk about how her son had left them, yet she would have thought his best friends would have known.

"WHAT?" everyone said, taken completely by surprise that their friend had gone missing.

"But Shuichi has a contract with NG Records he can't just leave like that" Mr. K explained, even though everyone already knew about the contract.

"His contract ended two weeks ago and he didn't renew it." Shuichi's mother explained confused as to why Shuichi hadn't even explained this to his friends. He owed him that much to tell them that he wouldn't be the vocalist for Bad Luck any longer.

"What…I'm sure my cousin Touma spoke with him about renewing his contract." said Suguru, eye's widened by surprise.

"Don't tell me the boss didn't ask Shuichi to renew the contract?" Hiro said eye's widening at the fact that Shuichi didn't renew his contract.

"All Shuichi said was that Hiro and Suguru should find another vocalist and to start a new band with them." Shindou-san explained.

"How can Shuichi do this to me, we made a promise to each other" Hiro said with tears in his eye, not understanding how his best friend could break the promise.

_'Shuichi how can you do this we made a promise that we would never quit Bad Luck because this is our band, a band that started off as a dream and was made into reality.'_ Hiro thought to himself

"Well looks like I just have to hunt him down, shoot him , tie him up and bring him back right? Hahaha!" said Mr. K a triumphant expression on his face.

"WHAT! You would do that to my Shu-chan?" Shindou-san shouted afraid that her son would get hurt by these eccentric men.

" Don't worry Shindou-san Mr. K is just joking" Hiro said giving a short laugh at the mother at how easily flustered she was.

"I see. Here Hiro, Shuichi said I should give this to you. It's the last song he wrote for Bad Luck. He wanted me to tell you that he is sorry because he broke his promise to you." Shindou-san said sadly a small sigh escaping her lips.

Hiro, Suguru, Ryuichi and Mr. K made their way back to NG to listen to the CD that Shindou-san had given to them. When the got to NG they saw that Touma was talking with Sakura, Yuki standing next to her.

"Boss its seems like Shuichi's gone, his mother said that they don't know where he is or when will he come back" Mr. K said while cleaning his gun. " So when should I start the hunt for him?" He said, only half joking.

"What? The brat is gone but what about his band?" Yuki said while thinking in his head

_'why does my heart hurt like it's breaking apart? Why do I want to see that brat right now? I want to see his smile, his pink hair._' Yuki couldn't understand why he wanted to see his ex. He loved Sakura now, had someone who was perfect for him and could make him happy.

"This is Shindou-san's decision so we should let him do what he wants." Touma said, even though he wanted the pink haired vocalist back as much as anyone.

"What! You would let Shuichi go just like that ? What about Bad Luck Shuichi is the vocalist" Hiro said with anger in his voice. He didn't understand why they weren't making an effort to go find their band mate and friend. If they cared about him they should have been out searching for him.

"Okay Mr. K go and find him, if you can convince him to come back then the band will continue but before Shindou-san comes back Sakura-san, Nakano-san and Suguru will perform as a new band." Touma said. It wasn't the best situation but it was what Shuichi wanted.

"Alright we will wait for Shuichi. We should listen to this CD though. It's a song that Shuichi made before he left." Hiro said while going to the CD player in Touma's office.

**WELCOME TO MY LIFE**

**Do you ever feel like breaking down?  
Do you ever feel out of place?  
Like somehow you just don't belong  
And no one understands you**

_'__Why do I feel like I don't belong here? I don't think anyone will even know if I here or not because all they see is Sakura. Even Hiro my best friend doesn't care about me anymore. I tried to tell him what I felt but he said I'm just jealous because she is Yuki's girlfriend. No one understands me anymore.'_

**Do you ever wanna runaway?  
Do you lock yourself in your room?  
With the radio on turned up so loud  
That no one hears you screaming**

Shuichi came home after practicing with the band. He came home early because Hiro and Suguru were still practicing with Sakura. He opened the radio in his room so loud and screamed all the frustration that he feel.

'_I can't take this anymore, I just want to disappear because it wouldn't matter to anyone anyways whether I was here or not since all they care about is Sakura. It hurts so much, but I still have my family even if they are far away. At least they still care about me.'_

**No you don't know what it's like  
When nothing feels all right  
You don't know what it's like  
To be like me**

'_Why does no one see the pain in my eyes or maybe no one cared about what I felt to begin with. I'm nothing to them.'  
_

**To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life**

'_It hurt so much I didn't know what to do. I just found out that almost everyone knew about Yuki and Sakura before Yuki even told me. They knew that Yuki was cheating on me but they never told me. I felt like everything is breaking apart my heart, my body and soul. I don't have anyone right now. I want to go home but I don't want my family to worry about me. They are the only thing that left who love me I don't want them to hate me because I a coward and a failure.'_

**Do you wanna be somebody else?  
Are you sick of feeling so left out?  
Are you desperate to find something more?  
Before your life is over  
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?  
Are you sick of everyone around?  
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies  
While deep inside you're bleeding**

_'I don't wanna do this anymore so I will quit. I'm sick of everything. I don't have a reason to stay here anymore. Maybe its time for me to find my missing memories for it may help me to became strong. I don't wanna smile anymore because I'm not happy. It hurt me more when I fake a smile for I know that its not real and that hurts all the more, especially when my friends think I'm OK.'  
_  
Everyone thought that Shuichi had moved on, that he wasn't hurt when he saw Yuki with Sakura. That wasn't true because it still hurt him when he saw Yuki so happy with her but Schuichi kept telling himself that if Yuki was happy then he should be happy too. After all that was what mattered most to the pink haired boy was seeing his ex-lover happy. 

**No you don't know what it's like  
When nothing feels all right  
You don't know what it's like  
To be like me**

**To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life**

As the day went on Shuichi feel more miserable he was waiting for his contract to end so he could go without creating any problems.

**No one ever lied straight to your face  
No one ever stabbed you in the back  
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay  
Everybody always gave you what you wanted  
Never had to work it was always there  
You don't know what it's like, what it's like  
**  
Shuichi knew that Touma didn't want him to be a vocalist in his company any more that's why he asked Hiro and Suguru to practice with Sakura. He is planning to make another band with the three of them and Shuichi wasn't that stupid, he knew that Bad Luck would disband so the new band could flourish. Touma was lying every time he said that Shuichi was one of the greatest artists that NG had ever had and he would help Shuichi make the band into the number one band of all time.

'_I hate this, It's like everything and every one is against me. I know Touma will just betray me as soon as the new band makes its debut. I'm not as stupid as everyone thinks I am. Of course I'm going to notice that he wants me gone in NG and Yuki's lives.'_

**To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)**

**To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life  
Welcome to my life**  
**Welcome to my life**

_'__I don't want to stay in this place where no one understands me. I know there is a place in this world where I belong and I will search for it along with my memories. I'll show everyone.'_

thanks for reading

please review


	3. Chapter 3

hi everyone sori for late update but i start working so i will be very busy but i will try to start chapter 4 soon and yukikyo thanks

**Chapter 3**

The song that Shuichi left was perfect. The way it sounded, the lyrics,  
everything was perfect so that the CD didn't have to be edited.  
But they were asking them selves if this was how Shuichi felt before he left.  
It wasn't a soft sad song but you could feel the sadness behind the song, the  
feeling of being alone even if there were many people around you.

NG Records sold the CD and it became a number one hit. Everyone loved the song  
but they were confused because there was no video to accompany the release.  
There was just the single song. Many were asking where Shindou Shuichi was  
because he wasn't appearing on any music shows and the media haven't been able  
to catch him for questions.

Two months after Shuichi left Touma announced the truth, that Shuichi was  
missing and he did not have any contract with NG Records. The company tried to  
find him so they could set up another contract with him. Yet no one was able  
to find him, even Mr. K.

Shuichi's disappearance had a big impact on everyone, especially his friends  
and family. But with Yuki it seemed to have the most impact, no matter how  
much the blond haired young man tried to not think about his former lover.  
Yuki knew he no longer loved Shuichi at least not the same way he did with  
Sakura. He loves Sakura, yet when Shuichi left it felt like his heart also  
left with Shuichi. He realized that he still loved Shuichi ever since he first  
met him. Yuki thinks he was so stupid not to realize that Shuichi was the most  
important person in his life. You can only know how important something, or  
someone is once you lose it. He took Shuichi for granted thinking the pink  
haired boy would always be beside him because Shuichi loved him even if they  
weren't lovers.

Yuki felt as if his life broke in a thousand pieces everything became  
meaningless, his girlfriend, his family and his novel. All he could think  
about was Shuichi. He wanted to see him, his smile, his violet eyes and his  
pink hair. Yuki wanted to hug him, kiss him, make love with him and to say the  
words that Shuichi wanted to hear, the words Yuki hardly ever said, I LOVE  
YOU. He didn't know what to do anymore. The only thing that helped him wake  
up every morning was the thought of finding Shuichi.

Sakura kept asking him what was wrong because he no longer paid any attention  
to her. She felt hurt and confused as to why he was no longer paying her any  
mind. She had been faithful and loved the man with all her heart. Yuki told no  
one about his feelings for Shuichi, he just quietly helped with the search. He  
was planning on telling Sakura that he no longer loved her which was why he  
asked her to go to his house that night. He told her he had something  
important to tell her and she agreed because she also had something important  
to tell him.

"Eiri-kun I have something very important to tell you." Sakura said, taking a  
step closer to her boyfriend.

"I have something very important to tell you as well." Yuki said with a very  
serious expression on his face. He wasn't thrilled that he had to break up  
with Sakura as he did care for her, but his heart was with Shuichi and it  
would have been cruel to continue going out with Sakura even though he didn't  
love her anymore.

"But mines more important!" Sakura whined, hating it when she didn't get her  
way with Yuki. Sometimes the blond haired man could be so stubborn.

"Fine, what is it?" Yuki asked impatiently, a sigh escaping his lips.

"Well um Eiri-kun I'm pregnant" Sakura said, not able to meet his eyes. Even  
though she loved Yuki he could be hard to talk to at times.

"What! Is it mine?" Yuki asked, for a moment not wanting the child to be his,  
hoping that she had been sleeping around with other guys so it wouldn't be his  
and so that it would be easier to break up with her.

"Of course it's yours, what kind of question is that? We are dating, and you  
are the only guy I'm sleeping with. I would never cheat on you, you know  
that." Sakura said, tears filling her eyes threatening to spill over.

Yuki couldn't believe that he would be a father; he didn't know what to do.  
He couldn't leave Sakura now because he had a responsible to her and to his  
baby. He wanted to be with Shuichi but he now couldn't even if he somehow  
managed to find him.


End file.
